Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
