I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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