You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
FUCK WHALES
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
