hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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