i think my tv is drunk
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
