he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize