I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
