May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
