I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
