I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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