After last night, I could never be a politician.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
