just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
