i permit you to call me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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