just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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