I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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