Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize