Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
