seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
