grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
