Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
