someone get that fucking seahorse.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Farmville is her only friend.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize