I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
