How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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