is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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