my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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