So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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