she woke up with a sticky ear
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
