So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
