I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize