It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
