I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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