i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
