Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i think my tv is drunk
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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