Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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