guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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