I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
