Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I am midnight drunk by noon
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize