im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
