they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize