i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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