you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
