alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize