do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
