I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
