Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
