i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
