i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
