im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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