wakey wakey hands off snakey
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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