I'm drive I can fine osifer
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
