I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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