i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
