i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
