dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
