i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize