he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
