I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
