is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
