as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
