you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize