before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
