how can u be prego again
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
