I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
