I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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