singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
