She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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