sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
