im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's never too late to be topless.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
