I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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