and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
