If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
