On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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